Monday, June 13, 2011

Best-Worst movie critic? Mayor Ed Koch(?!)

Yes, you don't need to adjust your brain.  The former mayor of New York city and sometimes political commentator and TV show host now has a new gig: Film Critic.

Next gig: GODZILLA!!  RUN!!

Now, you may be asking yourselves, how can the Honorable Mayor Edward I. Koch review movies?  Isn't he like 100 years old?  Well, maybe closer to 86 going on 87.  And secondly... I'm not sure how he reviews things.  He's like how you might picture an old guy reviewing movies, only worse.  And this isn't a put-on or the kind of brilliant one-of-a-kind thing Mike Stoklasa does with his Harry Plinkett character.  No, this is just genuine op-eds on video.... and it's the most what the FUCK deal I've seen on the internet so far.

Indeed I may be just slightly worried for his health at present since he actually hasn't reviewed anything in the past few months (his most recent review being Limitless from back in March).  But before that he's reviewed consistently for the past several months, going back to last summer with films like Inception and Salt, all told there's about 107 reviews on his YOUTUBE PAGE.  And... oh geez it's just not good.

But there may be some humor for those who want to watch it in the unintentional way.  It's like the anti-masterpiece of film criticism, where you get some rambling but in slow-motion about what you're going to see (or not), and at the end he'll give it a + or a - simple as that.  And sometimes his reviews like for Inception ("It's hype, hype hype," he says, not too far off actually) will just cut off before it seems like it's finished.  Or with a review like Carlos, where one gets more of an idea about his going out to a very nice dinner *after* walking out of the movie than the actual film itself.  Oh, and that Carlos was just a Palestinian terrorist and not much else.  Oh, also, he gives it a + without seeing the rest of the movie after walking out(!)  Um....

Here, let's check out a few just so it sinks in:

Perhaps it's all just the ramblings of an old man who we shouldn't bother listening to.  Perhaps this man actually has 'the answer' if one listens just closely enough like that Maharishii fellow.  Perhaps it's just a testament to the 1st amendment and the power of Fair Use on Youtube.... or it's a slow-moving train wreck, an explosion via dementia.

I don't know how to explain it, and yet a part of me (the one not cringing and/or laughing hysterically) applauds Koch for his effort.  Sure he might've put New York into the shitter back in the 80's (one kinda nasty comment on the full Youtube page says "Good job on the AIDS epidemic), and sure he's now kind of a douchebag when it comes to his political ideology.  But man can he review a movie!  Pauline Kael, eat your heart out!

A couple more just to illustrate the point, of the kind of old-idiot-savant genius on display here that just stuns me to no end: and check out the FULL YOUTUBE RIGHT HERE HOLY SHIT HE REALLY HAS 107 REVIEWS IN CAPS!

oral sex?

Catherine Deneuve?

Oscar predictions (and Annette Bening did a great job as a lesbian!)?

and last but not least.... um....not bad?

ADDENDUM: His review of A Film Unfinished is unironically great to watch.

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