Monday, April 13, 2015


here we do have a movie so so bad
that it comes back around to making me feel glad
 to get a rude motherfucker, like Mr Dolemite,
who does kung-fu sped up and has his white (and black) women just right,
to where they go buck wild - ceilings and chandeliers falling on their asss
breaking up all the shittyy parties and turning honky cops and redneck sheriffs into grass.

If there's any way to tell a plot there's barely one anyhow,
two of Dolemite's girls kidnapped and held in an uproarious torture pound.
Wait, what, it it funny how these girls are whipped and maimed?
OK, not really, but their captors are so over the top you laugh without blame.

There's all sorts of crazy things happening in this tale,
like Dolemite blowing up a car along with his own, hell, it's tooth and nail
to the finish!  So much debauchery along the way,
you can tell they're having fun, so I don't totally know what to say.

Is it all bad, is some good, do you laugh with them or not?
There's a little column A, a lil' B, and too much insanity they got
to know for sure! Hey, at least it's not as bad
 as the boom shots in Dolemite and the music's kinda rad.
(Yes, I just said rad, you mad?)

And, oh, say what? That's Ernie Hudson?
 he's got a rude tude and a bald cap for no reason
all the breasts and bushes ready and you'll laugh legit
and... aw what am I rhyming?

The Human Tornado is a blaxsploitation "classic" in the lower levels. It doesn't have the good acting of Jack Hill movies, or the actual social commentary of The Mack or even Shaft. It's all about watching a bunch of bad brothers going toe-to-toe with a group of much gnarlier white cops and crooked criminals - the nicest white guy is a clueless gay dude who picks up Dolemite and his crew unwittingly - and when it gets to the final act where Rudy Ray Moore turns into an old-time silent comedian doing his action at 18 frames-per-second (in other words, fast), it's true guilty pleasure cinema. And yet... there are times I do wonder if they know, and maybe are going for, intentional gags in this process. I think they do. And some of them, shockingly, are funny. It's goofy, it's stupid, it's ri-god-damn-dicuous.

And it's worth a Friday midnight viewing.

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